


Runt

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, I'm Bad At Tagging, Misunderstandings, Orphanage, Personification, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 11:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18498160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: Fjord had never considered himself to be a 'runt' in any sense of the word, not until that giant half-orc who was almost the height of Caduecus labelled him as more human and orc while he easily displayed feats of strength that Ford could never hope to accomplish and maybe Beau wasn't there when it happened but she can see enough to know that it obviously bothered him. Maybe her words aren't always the best but she means well.Caduceus tries to help out, but he isn't Molly. Nobody could ever be Molly. And holy fuck does Fjord need a Molly right about now.





	Runt

Fjord had his gaze on the sunrise, shoulders hunched and eyes narrowed at the glare from the sun off the water when he felt the presence of someone at his back. “Are you?” He heard Beau ask and then she was beside him on the cliff.

“Am I what?” Fjord didn’t even turn to look at her because soon she was at his side and he could see her from the corner of his eye. Her blue sash was waving in the wind, too bright for his eyes this early in the morning, the same way Caduceus’s hair and Jester’s skin was too bright for him when he woke up in Caleb’s tiny hut.

“A runt.”

He almost flinched at the words. The blacksmiths jeering had hurt him more than he would have expected and he wanted more than anything to forget the half-orc’s words, but it seemed like Beau had other ideas. “No. At least, I don’t think I am. I haven’t really seen many half-orcs to reference so all I can do is assume."

Beau didn’t speak for a little while, eyes watching as the sun slowly rose above the clouds that blanketed the sky and the soft lapping of the sea against the rocks down below. “He was pretty big. That half-orc from the blacksmith. Wersh, I don’t fucking know. He was huge. Almost as big as Caduceus. I saw him working when Caleb and I came back from the library.”

“He was, that’s true.” Fjord wasn’t sure what it was that she was trying to get at. “Your point?”

“Well, it’s just that when he called you a runt you got all defensive about it.” Beau waved her arms about in that way she did when she was trying to be nice about making a point. “People don’t normally do that unless they have something to hide, or they’re ashamed of something.”

Fjord shook his head and tried not to sigh. “I don’t think I’m a runt, Beau, but even if I was what the fuck would it matter? I just don’t like people thinking less of me, that’s all. I don’t like being treated like I’m less than.”

“And is that how you felt when you guys were talking to Wersh?” Beau asked and Fjord really just wanted her to let I go. “Jester said you were getting pretty riled up. I didn’t think you ever had a problem with jewellery either."

 _Fucking Jester_ , Fjord thought. _Couldn’t keep a secret if her life depended on it._ “Yeah, well, when people are questioning my heritage and who I was raised by, I think even you would get a little defensive. When my kind starts treating me like I’m not one of them, like I don’t have green skin and tusks same as them, then, of course, I’m going to start proving to them that I’m like them. How would you like it if other humans started questioning if you were human? Or other monks doubting that you were one of them?”

“You know me,” Beau shrugged. “I couldn’t give a shit what people thought of me. Let them think what they want. I know the truth and they’ll probably be wrong anyway.”

“Well, not everyone has skin as thick as yours,” Fjord said curtly, trying not to snap, but it was getting harder and harder with the more Beau pushed. His barely restrained anger matched the loud colliding of the waves against the rock.

Behind them, Caduceus made a snorting-snore noise that could be heard even though the bubble and Nott grumbled something unintelligible in her sleep, clinging tighter to Yeza. A weird looking bird chirped frantically as if flew above them. Beau folded her arms across her chest. “You’d think someone like you would already have thick skin, being an orphan and all.”

“Now what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, orphans already have it tough,” Beau said as if she was offended that Fjord would even think about questioning her judgement. “And being a half-orc couldn’t have been easy, you already told us that other kids made fun of you so badly that you filed down your tusks. Don’t fuck around and pretend that being an orphan was easy.”

Fjord shuffled his feet and kept his eyes fixed firmly on the sun as it rose instead of on Beau’s stern glare and sharp accusations. “Yeah, well,” he spat, filling his words with poison and ire. Beau actually took a step backwards away from him. “Not everyone can live a happy life with a family who loves them and a whole god damn country who respects them for being just a normal fucking human with no added fuck-ups, can we?”

“Who the _fuck_ do you think I am?” Beau demanded, hands fisted at her sides. She turned to face Fjord and her skin was flushed red with fury. “Some fucking bitch who leaches money off of her parents and goes through the world thinking she’s better than everyone else?”

“I don’t know, Beau,” Fjord snapped. “You’re starting to act that way again. You were getting so much better at talking to people and now suddenly you learnt something new about me and everything’s gone out the window?” Beau seemed about to huff out an indignant rebuttal but Fjord just held a hand up and shook his head. “Don’t, Beau. Not now. Not today. I’m not in the mood.”

The look of Beau’s face was nothing Fjord had ever seen before and he hated himself for putting that look on her face but before he could even think about apologising, she spat at his feet and turned on her heel, storming away without another word. Fjord could hear her quiet, vehement grumbling and then deep soothing words and then a dark shadow suddenly loomed over him.

He and Caduceus stood together in silence for a while as they watched the rising sun and listened to the chirping birds and crashing waves and then Caduceus placed a hand on Fjord’s shoulder. It was Fjord who spoke. “Hello, Caduceus. Sleep well?”

Caduceus hummed in affirmative and Fjord looked up at him, squinting slightly through the sunlight. “You’re unhappy,” Caduceus said evenly. “You have been ever since we spoke with that other half-orc. You’ve been different- like you’re trying to prove something to us.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Fjord lied. Caduceus chuckled under his breath but didn’t push. _Stupid_ , Fjord thought. _You can’t like to Caduceus. He sees through everything._ Instead of trying to fix his mistake, Fjord changed the subject. “Did you uh, did you see Beau?”

“I did,” Caduceus nodded. “She was rather upset. Angry, I would think. But that’s to be expected- she’s always angry when her words don’t come across the way she wants them to. I would be too, now that I think of it.”

Fjord hid his nervous laugh with a fake cough he covered with his hand. “You heard that, huh?”

Chuckling deeply, Caduceus placed a hand on Fjord’s shoulder with such an unexpected strength that Fjord almost pitched forward under its sudden weight. “It’s alright. Everyone gets frustrated sometimes, it’s inevitable, even with family.”

Frowning, Fjord crinkled up his nose in confusion. “We’re not a family-”

“Of course we are,” Caduceus dismissed absently with a wave of his hand. “But what I’m trying to say is that while it’s understandable to get frustrated, maybe try to be patient. Beau was just trying to figure out how to help you- trying to understand you a little bit better. Maybe wait for her to state her case before you pass your judgement?”

Sighing, Fjord dragged a heavy hand down his face. “Yeah, I know. I feel terrible about it. It’s just that…”

Caduceus was already shaking his head before Fjord had finished. “You do not have to explain your personal feelings to me. They are yours and yours alone. If you are upset about something private, then keep it to yourself and share it when you’re ready. Don’t worry about Beau- I’ll talk to her. Just… remember who’s on your side. Not everyone is out to get you, or use you for uh, nefarious means.”

And then Caduceus was gone, leaving Fjord on the edge of the cliff, stunned and alone and thinking about everything that happened in a short span of a few moments. When he was safely isolated again, nothing but the sun and the sea to keep him company, Fjord sat down on the edge of the cliff with his feet dangling over the ledge. After a moment’s hesitation, Fjord summoned the falchion into his waiting hand and admired what once was the Summers Blade scimitar for a moment as the water dripped down his arm.

After appreciating it for a little longer than was probably necessary before he spoke. “You’d be really helpful right now, Molly,” He said softly, voice barely above a whisper. “You always knew the best way to knock some sense into us- well, into me at least. I don’t know what we’re doing without you, where we’re going. It’s just… it’s hard not having you here. You were always so understanding. It was easy to open up to you and at times like these I just… I’m finding it hard not having that anymore. You were more of a rock for us than you ever thought.”

Fjord could hear the sharp whistling as the steam from Caduceus’s kettle escaped from the spout as the water came to a boil. Nott was talking to Yeza in soft, calm tones in a corner, hands overlapping on the grass. Jester was trying to make a grumpy Beau laugh by telling her jokes and jumping around her. Caleb was watching Fjord with narrowed eyes from where he sat in the shade reading his book and after a moment Frumpkin stretched from where he was dozing in the sun and padded over to Fjord but remained a careful distance away. “You always were the best of us,” Fjord continued, holding the sword close to him as if it would be sucked away by the sea and swallowed by the tide. “and we miss you more and more every day. It’s hard not having the glue to keep us together.”

Sighing, Fjord ran his finger down the blade, careful not to draw any blood. He didn’t need anyone asking more questions he didn’t want to answer. “I wish I had been there for you when you needed me most, the way you always were for me. Thank you… for coming after us, back then. You didn’t have to. You could have walked away and forgotten all about the Mighty Nein but you didn’t and you died for caring about us. So uh, I’m going to stick around with these guys. It’ll be hard sometimes and there will be times when I feel like packing up my shit and leaving like Yasha does and never coming back, but that’s not what you taught us. So I’ll stay, even when I want to leave. I’ll stay for you.”

“Fjord!” Jester called from behind him, tearing him from his thoughts. “Caduceus made breakfast! Come and eat with us!”

Casting a final, longing look towards the sun, now risen above the clouds, and the sea gently calling to him below, Fjord put his falchion away, stood up and dusted himself off as he made his way back towards the group of fuck-ups called the Mighty Nein.

His ‘family’, apparently. He's never had one before. He wondered what it was like.


End file.
